The road less traveled...

HOME. Safe and sound...finally!

This came after much trial and tribulation...

Oh, but where shall I begin...

First, I woke at 6:30am for my 9am flight, to find that it was cancelled and I was automatically placed on the 7:30pm flight. After much time on hold, I got a 10:50am flight out, and began my journey to the O' Hare. With one working windshield wiper and the other making what was, quite possibly the more annoying sound ever, slow drivers, icy slushy roads, and morning rush hour traffic, I made it. Kissed the woman goodbye and headed off on my way.

• Note to the traveler:
  
  If you lose your driver's licence, and decide to use your passport, check
  2 things. The first, is it signed. The second, if it has expired. I found this out
  the hard way, but luckily, the Holiday spirit was in full effect, I was allowed in.
  
• To the man standing behind me in the the airport check-in line, a few
  things:
  
  -I realize it is 8:35 in the morning and you NEEDED you cigarette fix, but
  a little cologne never hurt no one...I just got lung cancer simply by your
  presence.
  -Speaking of your presence, there is a new thing called personal space. Use
  it sometime. We are all in line, we will all get to the check in, in the order
  at which we arrived...there is no need to stand on top of me.
  -Lastly, if you are going to hover in my ass crack, can you please STOP
  YELLING INTO YOUR CELL PHONE. Unless you are talking into a can attacked to a
  string, there is no reason to use that volume...please, no one cares that you
  used to be a cab driver in Chicago many years ago, and how now you feel like no
  one can drive...or that you thought your flight was earlier because you were
  looking at the boarding time instead of the departure time. Trust me.
  

So my 10:50 departure flight, turned into a 11:30 boarding flight. I was fine.

We packed in...I saw seated in the middle of a 3 sear row, but no aisle seat was taken. I was optimistic. I was good.

We sat...and sat...and sat some more.

Luckily, my super fine woman decided to give me one Christmas gift early. And it was simply perfect! My favorite book of all time...hardcover. (since my softcover copy completely unbound leaving you reading it page by page.)

I began to read. We started to go. We drove around for a bit and then we stopped and we sat. I read...and I read.

about and hour went by...

"This is your captain speaking. We are going to head back to the gate to refuel. Our new alternative destination is Raleigh."

every growned...

When we stopped at the gate, we were told that we could get off to get food and we would take off in about an hour. Many people got off. I stayed. I knew better.

No soon than fifteen minutes later...

"This is your captain. We have been cleared to take off at 12:45, so if everyone cane get back to their seats, we will wait for our reaming people and get going."

This time, with our McDonalds eating travels, came the trio to our row. A large man waked down the aisle, laughing and speaking very loudly into his cell phone. He slowed as he approached row 16, looks at the number, look at me and looks back at the number. I quickly say, "Is this you?," getting ready to move out of his aisle seat that I had taken for comfort since no one was there. He does not acknowledge me, but I assume this means yes, and move over. After fumbling around, he finally sits, continues having quite possibly the loudest cell phone conversation ever, swaying back and forth in his seat, using any available arm rest, including mine.

The captain comes over the loudspeaker again. Supposedly, we are going to try to take off again.

He continues to talk. The young man on the other side me has nodded off, but loudly snored himself back awake. The other man loudly ends his conversation. "Finally," I think to myself.

We sat for a while and then we heading back to the runway, where we sat some more. At 1:50pm, we finally take off, 3 hours post departure time.

Did I mention the flight crew had not food. Yeah...everyone was is exceptional moods by this point. As they make their way down the aisle, "Would you like something to drink? Water, Soda, Juice, Wine, Beer?" "WINE," I think to myself. "Give me the bottle!" But I refrain. "Orange juice," I reply, realizing that I should probably try to get in as many vitamins as possible. She places a small plastic cup in my hand. No peanuts, no chex mix, nothing...

Back to my book. Just shy of two hours later, the captain comes over the intercom again, "we are beginning out descend into LaGuardia. It is going to get a little choppy here."

"Great," I think to myself. I am already nauseated from hunger, and just being suck in the tiny stiff seat for, what has now been 5 hours...this should be interesting. I look through the seat pocket in front of me for the barf bag. Check.

Somehow, I manage to get through the 15 minutes of so of turbulence and keep the only food in my stomach, a McDonalds burrito that I consumed at 7:30 that morning.

After a few more minutes pass, and with nothing to occupy my time at this point, since i have read my book cover to cover, I play a game with myself called, sit as still as possible. I can't help but wonder why it is taking to long to land. I look out the window. White. Just White. Nothing but White. Mind you, it is dark in NY by now. The white that I am seeing are not clouds...it is the storm. My anxiety kicks in. what if we can't land? What if we have to turn around? Did we ever refuel at the gate? No. We couldn't have. Now what?

"This is your captain. As I am sure you have noticed, we are just circling. we haven't received clearance to land yet."

Another hour goes by.

5:30pm. We landed. Everyone clapped. My blood sugar was too low to clap, but a small whistle of relief came out.

Thank the agnostic god...home, land, food, wine, safety...it's finally over.

As I finally entered the Lauguardia airport, three things greeted
me...
1. About 7 steps past the gate, now finally on the other side of the
airport, I look up to see a man, on his cell phone, picking his nose. "Welcome
back," i think.
2. A young Middle Eastern man sips his copper colored beer from a plastic
airport cup. I almost take him out for it.
3. I dart into the women bathroom, immediately going into a stall that was
just occupied by a young woman. And what hits me smack in the face...none other
than, raunchy crotch.

Welcome home, Antigone.

Welcome Home.

Happy Travels! P